Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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