meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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