My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She even gives head with a lisp.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
