is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
