the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
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He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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