your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
