I want to make a zoo with you.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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