I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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