Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
