It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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