Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize