thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
