Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
