it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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