a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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