i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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