I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
