please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
