Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
