I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
