I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
