Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
