what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
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I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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