I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
FUCK WHALES
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
