I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
