i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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