Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
