I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
