i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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