i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
