chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just pee around me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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