bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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