Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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