You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
