Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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