NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
