i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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