areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
