sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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