She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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