____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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