yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
