Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
