its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
