The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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