Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I didn't notice because vodka
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
