he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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