If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
