there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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