Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
