Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
