I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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