haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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