no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
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