the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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