when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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