I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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